omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
