so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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