i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
