You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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