I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
