my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
