I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
