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it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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