please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
