I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
they need to just BURY HIM!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
