I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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