Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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