Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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