Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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