I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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