i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm at about main and main street
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
