i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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