Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
