whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
