just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
