DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
