I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
