Pants 0. Shit 1.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
