let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize