remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
