The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
