A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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