It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
