I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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