He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
