i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
