I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
