he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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