Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize