first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You've changed since you got that strap on
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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