Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
