guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
