We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
