Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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