you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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