He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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