so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
