I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
there is puke in my bra ... again
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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