does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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