Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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