So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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