its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
