Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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