You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I touched a dick in church today
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
