I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize