were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
