Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
