Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
