billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
