His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you didnt know i had herpes?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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