I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
