at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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