Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
