I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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